TEST Match Special's late, great Trevor Bailey once said on air: "Shaun Pollock there, a carbon copy of his dad. Except he's a bit taller and he's got red hair."
As someone pointed out at the time, spot-the-difference competitions never were Bailey's forte.
But the suspicion is that even the former Test cricketer would have been able to tell the Commonwealth Games apart from a first-rate sporting event.
Yet almost everyone had a jolly time in Glasgow, and the BBC told us pretty much everything was amazing, and the blazers went over the top, and Kylie did her stuff at the closing ceremony, so most people have bought the line that they've just lived through something memorable.
What was memorable was the way Glaswegians embraced the Games.
The men's 800 metres final was also very good, so was the men's road race on the final day, and the squash, gymnastics, rugby and some of the swimming.
But the quality of a lot of the other stuff was lamentable.
The really sad thing was that when Usain Bolt allegedly said as much, reportedly calling the Games "a bit s**t", he was roundly panned.
The Jamaican later came up with a few quotes that restored his popularity beyond Hadrian's Wall, describing the fun over the past fortnight as "wonderful, just like the London Olympics".
Well, it wasn't exactly like the 2012 games, was it?
America, China and Russia weren't there for a start.
Nor was Mo Farah, Yohan Blake, Jessica Ennis-Hill or pre-games heptathlon favourite Katarina Johnson-Thompson, while Bolt ran in the 4x100 metres relay only.
It was a bit like taking Messi, Ronaldo, Robben and James Rodriguez out of the recent football World Cup, or Federer, Nadal and Murray out of Wimbledon, with Djokovic just lining up in the doubles.
It meant the athletics' programme lacked all-round A-list quality.
A bronze in the women's pole vault was picked up by someone who managed just 3.80 metres, barely a metre and a bit more than Cuban man Javier Sotomayor has managed to jump without the use of a pole.
Kemar Bailey-Cole won the men's 100 metres in a time of 10.00 seconds that seven men bettered in the equivalent final in London. Bailey-Cole ran a good race, but America's Bob Hayes was running 10 seconds flat in an Olympic final 50 years ago.
There is another stat that screams out the merits of perspective when discussing Glasgow's Games.
In the absence of the Chinese and Japanese, Scotland claimed 13 medals in the judo, six of them golds.
Now, it may be that our Celtic cousins are on the brink of world domination in the sport and will clean up at the Rio Olympics in 2016, possibly as a newly independent country.
But let's just say it would be no surprise if some of those recently triumphant home-based judokas failed to get within a country mile of the podium at the Olympics in Rio in 2016.
There's more. Only four teams entered the men's synchronised 10-metre diving, meaning — fair play — that the organisers decided they couldn't really award a bronze.
And we had a 40-year-old winning a bronze in the women's 5,000 metres.
There is nothing wrong with that, but let's not pretend that the games are something they're not by devoting so much air time to them. Yes, that means you, BBC. The wall-to-wall coverage was absurdly over the top.
There is also the question of the relevance of a Commonwealth competition, calling to mind the days when Britain ruled the waves and zillions of the world's population, and Captain Bligh and Fletcher Christian threw away their Best Friends Forever bracelets on The Bounty.
The Ottoman Empire Games at some point in the future, anyone?
Of course it's ridiculous.
But it looks like we're stuck with the Commonwealth's four-yearly jamboree, though perhaps someone could have a word in the ear of Australian weightlifter Francois Etoundi after he broke a Welsh rival's nose with a headbutt in an early-morning incident at the athletes' village.
These were supposed to be the friendly games.
And it isn't very friendly to nut someone in the face.
Not even in Glasgow.
![Mark Orders column: The BBC's coverage of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games was absurdly over the top Mark Orders column: The BBC's coverage of the Glasgow Commonwealth Games was absurdly over the top]()